Harry: "I know Bellatrix has STDS because... I have slept with her."

Hermione + Malfoy: "OMG WHAT?!?!?!?!"

Harry: "Okay, so maybe I didn't sleep with her.  But still.  Makes a funny story, no?"

Hermione: "QUICK!  LET'S KICK SOME DEATH EATER BUTT!!"

Harry: "Wait, what, really?" *looks confused*

Ginny: "DARN WAND WON'T LIGHT!"

WHOA!!!!! One of the Death Eaters shrank, and one of them turned into a little smoke cloud!  What's going on??  o_0

Hermione: "OMG! WE JUST TURNED SOME GUY INTO SMOKE!"

Harry: "WHOA, man!"

Ron: *looks in the wrong direction*

Malfoy: "Sorry I didn't believe you, Harry.  You're right... she did have quite a few STDs.  The warts aren't too bad, though... but anyway, I forgive you.  Want to shake hands?"

Hermione: "OMG EWWW HE HAS WARTS!  AND I BET HERPES, TOO!"

Neville: "What are herpes?"

Hermione: "HARRY!  What are you doing with that glowy thing?"

Ron: "OH EM GEE!  It's, like, only the most prettiest and shiny thing EVER!  Like, totally! Awesome!"

Harry: "Uh... girly much, Ron?"

Hermione: "As if things couldn't get any worse."

Ron: "What's wrong?"

Hermione: "I think my period is starting again."

Ron: "EWW!  Gross!" *screams*

Hermione: "Yeah, you're telling me?  I don't know how I can be able to clean my underwear!  Let's just get out of here... I'm getting bad cramps."

Death Eater: "RAWRRR!"

Hermione: "I think I should be putting on my scared face at the moment, but instead, I seem to be smiling.  Please hold for a second while I remember how to be scared."

Death Eater: "K."

Hermione: "EEEEK!" *runs away*  *well, runs away in a girly kind of way* *wow, that was a lot of **ways** in that sentence* *sorry about that* *and now there are too many ****star**** marks*  *sorry about that, too*  *let's continue on, shall we?*

Ginny: "I think I'm going to prove myself to be worthy by blowing up everything."

Harry: "I wouldn't do that if I were you..."

Ginny: "WATCH ME!"

*insert EVERYTHING falling over*

Harry: "God, Ginny.  Why did you do that?!  You're SUCH a piece of crap."

Ginny: "Oops..."

Hermione: "THIS ISN'T THE SEXY RUN AWAY SLOW MOTION RUN THAT I WANTED TO FILM!"

Harry: "DARN YOU GINNY!!!!"

*push Ginny out the door*

Ginny: "It's not my fauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuult!"

As Harry trips over a rock...

Kitty: "OMG PLEASE DON'T SQUASH ME!"

Harry: "WTF?!"

Kitty: "I am here to save you!"

Harry: "From what?"

Kitty: "From the evil likes of Lord Voldemort!  With me, you are invincible!"

Harry: "I'm allergic to cats, didn't you know??" *sneezes*

Harry: *sneezes*

Kitty: "Nooo!!! I am forever trapped inside this glowing orb now!"

Luna: "There goes the spirit of that kitty..."

Harry: "No, that's the moon."

Harry: "Eww, is this a giant butt?  See the crack?  What the heck??"

Hermione: "What are we all aiming at...?"

Neville: "And why are we on this giant butt??!"

Harry: "EWWW! The giant butt farted!"

Death Eater: "I WILL KILL THIS GIRL IF YOU DO NOT HAND OVER THE ORB!"

Harry: "So?  I don't care about her."

Death Eater: "FINE! I WILL KILL THIS GUY IF YOU DO NOT HAND OVER THE ORB!"

Harry: "I don't even know him!"

Ron: "Wait, WHAT?!? Oh, sure, kill the two REDHEADS!"

Death Eater: "OKAY OKAY!  I will kill THIS girl if you do not hand over the orb!"

Harry: "OMG!!  DO NOT TOUCH HERMIONE!"

Hermione: "HARRY!!  Don't rescue me!  You need to keep that shining thing safe!  It's obvious that's what they are after!  Just forget about me!"

Malfoy: "Hand over the orb or you will have your girlfriend killed!"

Harry: "I love Hermione too much to let her die.  I don't care about the Redheads.  Just don't harm her."

Suddenly, Sirius Black comes to help!

Harry: "LET'S KILL MALFOY FOR TRYING TO MURDER MY GIRLFRIEND!"

Sirius: "OKAY!"

Malfoy: "Hey, wait, why try and kill me?  I'm just the hottie in this movie for the 40 year olds who watch Harry Potter.  Without me, then who will the older women have a crush on?  PLEASE LET ME LIVE FOR ANOTHER FEW YEARS!"

Harry: "GRR!!!  You're right!  We have to keep our viewers!  Speaking of which, I better make it look like I'm still fighting you, and winning, so that people will keep watching."

Hermione: "I am so worried over Harry!  He is risking his life for me!  But I *do* like the fact that the cameras are focused on me during this.  The audience wants to see my reaction to my lover being in a fight.  Aww."

Just as the Death Eater is about to kill Hermione and Company from behind the rocks...

Harry takes on the Death Eater, with the help from Sirius!

However, sexually active Bellatrix comes in.

Bellatrix: "RAWRRRR!"  *uses Killing Curse*

Sirius: "LOL!! You missed!" *giggles*

Harry: "Er.... I don't think she missed..."

Sirius: "What do you mean?"

Sirius: "Oh.  Boo.  I'm dead.  Oh well, ttyl bye!"

Harry: "SIRIUS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Lupin: "It's okay, Harry.  It's okay.  I'm here now."

Harry: "No, you don't get it!  He owed me MONEY!"

Bellatrix: "HAHA I guess you'll never see that money again!"

Harry: "YOU KILLED HIM!!  I WILL TAKE THE MONEY FROM YOU!!!!!"

Harry: *escapes from Lupin*  "GIVE ME MY MONEY!"

Harry: "He owed me 50 Galleons.  Now, I expect to be paid, or DIE!"

Bellatrix: "But I don't have 50 Galleons..." *makes sad face*  :-(

OMG IT's VOLDEMORT!

Voldemort: "Harry!  Long time no see!  Almost a year exactly!  Funny how we always seem to bump into each other at the end of the year.  So, how have you been?"

Dumbledore: "IMA HERE TOO FOOOOO!  LEMME KICK YO BUTT AND FO SHO THIZ BIZNESS!  YO!"

Harry: "... what?" *scratches head*

Dumbledore: "I KILLLLL YOU, FOOL!"

Voldemort: "Not if I kill you first!  MWAHAHA!  Look at my cool fire trick!"

Harry: "Oooh, pretty!"

Dumbledore then proceeds to set the mood right with a Disco Ball.  Niceee.

Voldemort: "Well, we need some glass on that disco ball.  Otherwise it just looks stupid.  Here, let me get some for you."

Voldemort: "NOT!! I WILL KILL EVERY ONE OF YOU!"

Harry: "I think you missed..."

Voldemort: "....what?"

And let's take a minute to examine those arms of his.  Man am I glad that he usually has them covered... he is as pale as my sister!  And that is saying something!

However....

Harry: "DEATH TO DUMBLEDORE!  DEATH TO YOU ALL!" *possessed*

What's going on?? Why is Harry suddenly possessed?!?  And why won't Voldemort get a frickin' tan? Find out on next week's RECAPS! Brought to you by me! :)